I was dusting the other day and I bumped one of my favorite vases and it fell to the ground. It broke! It was really the only vase of value that we have and in an instant it was rubbish. As I surveyed the wreckage I decided I would try and make it whole again. I gathered the shards and worked for a couple of days putting the vase back together. It actually turned out pretty good. Most of the cracks blended only visible through close inspection. As in most cases however, there are a couple of chips where I couldn’t find the pieces and a crack that I couldn’t hide. I placed the vase back on the shelf and was able to turn it such that the blemishes can’t be seen. While it no longer has material value I still enjoy it. It provides a window into my past.
Isn’t it that way with us? Brian suffered brokenness. Every time he tried to escape the demons. He would reach a point where mentally he was exhausted. He hated his condition and regret and shame weighed heavy on him. Eventually he would break down and decide to get cleaned up, mentally he was broken. That decision was terrifying and courageous for he knew the agony that stood before him. He knew that he would be broken physically writhing in pain and anguish. None-the-less, he would face this challenge and in countless times he succeeded. Even if only for a short time he was victorious. During those times he would be a different man, healing but, showing the scars from being broken. Even in this scarred condition I treasured him. He was my only son who I love dearly despite all the flaws and blemishes. While much of the world saw him as a burden I saw him as a masterpiece designed to have value. He provided the family with joy and his loss has left a scar. Brian is cherished and everyone who met and knew him was touched.
I think we all have Brian moments in our lives. There are times in our lives where we are just crushed. We lay broken on the floor wondering how we’ll ever be able to move on. And yet, somehow, we are pieced back together to carry on. For me that somehow is God. He gave me the ability to continue. While scarred, I know, having been put back together that I am stronger. Our scars are testaments to a process that can and will make us better, will give us tools to help further the kingdom.
When asked how you know there is a God, Brian would always answer – you know because of the blue sky, who else can make something that big and beautiful. I look at our sky every day. It truly is huge and a blue that just calms you. It too has blemishes. Blemishes that change from day to day and yet the majesty of our blue sky is ever present.
