Ritual Living

Well the Thanksgiving and Christmas season has now come to an end for the family. This has always been a very important time of the year for us and especially since Brian died. His favorite holiday was Thanksgiving. This year our season extended well into January as both my wife and I came down with the COVID and were in quarantine for three weeks. It was actually quite nice as the lights were up longer and time spent was quality.

Our Thanksgiving was small. What that meant was that there were lots of left overs. Brian loved left overs. He would have an open faced turkey sandwich smothered in gravy two or three times a day. There was always a requirement to make more gravy. His face would actually light up as he ate his sandwich. He didn’t wolf it down but rather, he savored each and every bite. My wife loved it though, she loved how her son enjoyed the feast that she so loving prepares each year.

Over the years we’ve developed traditions. The political reactions to COVID put many of those at risk. One that is critically important is to meet at Brian on the day he died, Christmas eve. We meet and share stories of Brian, share our hurts and share our lives. It is an important time for all of us and has significantly helped in the grieving process. We managed to maintain that tradition this year despite all the chaos around us. The hour that we spent together was phenomenal and we were all able to leave behind the nonsense that has turned all our lives upside down.

My Mom since moving back to the US has joined us on these occasions but, she is definitely high risk so she opted to sit this one out. In ended up being a topic of discussion as we sat by Brian in that she is 86 and in marginal shape so, this might have been her last visit. She has locked down for months and has been alone with limited social interaction. You can see her deteriorate before your eyes. It hurts. One question we asked that day was where is the line where living isn’t living anymore? My Mom is a social person and you can hear the loneliness in her voice. It makes me sad and often it makes me made. We can’t be with our Brian our our grandpas any more because there gone. We can’t be with my Mom because ….. ???

Our family is blessed in that we have God that we can lean on. I just don’t know how people who don’t believe in something beyond this world, beyond this life can manage these times? I have always been thankful for each and every moment I get to share with my loved ones but, that has become even stronger during this year. I love our traditions and will continue them for as long as the Lord allows me to.