Happy 28th Birthday

Yesterday was Brian’s 28th birthday. We celebrated his birthday on Saturday. It was a gorgeous day. The sun was shining brightly and there was a gentle breeze, just perfect. As a family we shared memories and told stories. It was a wonderful, peaceful and a comforting couple of hours. Then on Sunday we were able to share Easter morning together. I don’t know how I would feel without being able to get the family together during this time. It’s such an important time for us. It helps us heal.

This time was put in jeopardy by what some are calling the “new normal.” I don’t accept that. What is going on right now will not be my normal and I suggest that no-one should accept these times as their normal. This is abnormal. We, as humans, weren’t designed to be separated, weren’t designed to be alone. We are a social creature designed to share, to hug and to love each other. We haven’t thrown caution to the wind but, we do approach our days and our actions in an intentional way and there are times when it’s ok to be together.

After Brian died we were often asked if we were becoming accustomed to our new normal. It drove me crazy. Today I look back at the first coupe of years after Brian’s death and find that things were extremely abnormal. In fact I had developed some tendencies which I didn’t like and have since shed. If I had accepted those times as “normal” I wouldn’t like myself much today.

I feel that these times are similar to the times we lived through early in our grief walk after Brian died. Something was off, just not right and we knew that. That is what I feel today. It is not right to be fighting over toilet paper and that is not something I am willing to accept. It’s not right that ……. fill in the blank. There are just so many things that aren’t right in these moments. If we are complacent, sit back and just say “oh well, that’s the new normal” then we’ve lost. I didn’t work all my life to not enjoy my twilight years. To not enjoy my children and grand-children.

In the words of Bon Jovi:
It’s my life, it’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live for ever
I just want to live while I’m alive!

It makes no sense to be alive and healthy if I can’t share my life with anyone else. I need to share, I need to love – that is my normal.