Too long

It has been way too long since I sat down and penned a post. The time, the time where does it go. I think that is one of the most unfortunate aspects of our lives. It takes far too long for us to understand just how fleeting our moments are. It is so easy to get caught up in everyday life, the hustle and bustle which in the end produces very little. In one of my favorite songs by Sanctus Real named Lead Me, there are a couple lines which I find hit home:

           “Don’t want to leave them hungry for love

             Chasing things that I could give up”

Over the many years I missed many things. It wasn’t always related to my career, there was more than one occasion that I missed something because of football or some hobby. I regret that today. Brian challenged me on that – it was his 21st birthday. It was a bad night for me and I so wish I could do it over. I can’t, and never will be able to. I ask myself what did I chase that didn’t produce fruit and the list is quite extensive. I wonder who else I let down and look for opportunities to make amends. I not a horrible man, father or husband but, I certainly could have been better. I see that in my chance as a Grandfather – can I give more, can I appreciate more, can I plant seeds that will grow. You have to be there to do those things.

Brian impacted me. He always did and in my sadness and hurt I find that his impact on me generates positive things. My challenge is not to slide into the earthly rut of chasing stupid things. I have found interests that are more inclusive of those I love most. It brings me healing and I get joy out of sharing precious moments with my loved ones. I want to build memories that bring a smile.