April 12th was Brian’s birthday. It’s a day that we all spend together. We meet at Brian’s grave and sit around and talk then we head over too one of Brian’s favorite restaurants, it’s Indian food. We talk about many things, memories of Brian and how we’re doing. It’s therapeutic as well as hard. I keep thinking those days will become easier and easier. Every year I’m wrong. They are hard, they hurt. My girls hurt, they are so brave yet you can see and feel how much they hurt. My lovely wife hurts, she often shares that at times she just can’t conceive that it’s all real. She tells me through tears that she misses her son so very much. I think that’s the thing I struggle with most – the pain of my girls and wife. How I wish I could take that from them. But I can’t, I can’t fix it, I can’t make things all better again. I feel so helpless. As hard as those days can be I am always amazed at their resilience, their courage to take on the bad days and the ease by which they fully embrace the good ones. It’s a gift that my wife has given the family. There seem to be more good days than bad but, the bad ones seem to be more crushing. I attribute that to the fact that they tend to be more of a surprise and are usually triggered by something unexpected. It’s also difficult to understand when it will pass. So we all just flow with the storm hoping that it will pass soon.
April 12th was Brian’s birthday. He would have been 27. It sucks that I can’t spend it with him. Happy Birthday my son, I love you.
Beautiful Blue Sky 