I get to talk with people about Brian, not as often as would like but I savor the opportunities I do have. I find that many people, while mostly at a loss for words, are genuine. My worst encounter was a few months after Brian died when I was sitting in the office of someone who I thought was my friend. This was the first time he had made an effort to talk with me about Brian’s death. As I sat there and listened to him I realized that we had nothing in common. His notion of friendship was predicated on reciprocity, you do for me and I’ll do for you. As the conversation wound down he gave me his sage advice, to help me with what I was going through you know, get some prescription drugs. WHAT! Idiot – I haven’t talked to him since. Not because of his ridiculous counsel but because it was during those few minutes that I came to understand that we have nothing in common. Also, this confirmed that our values were extremely different.
During crisis such as this, your appreciation of friendship is refined. It is during these times that those who truly care come through. I had a couple buddies fly in from the east coast (1800 miles). What struck me about there visit is that they didn’t say much, but they were always near, always keeping an eye on me and the girls. What they did do though was give me a big hug and tell me how sorry they were. More precious than that was that they hugged my wife and my girls. Not those little how you doing hugs but rather those big engulfing hugs. The ones that just absorb you. The ones you want to last and last. I was so grateful for them, so grateful that they would drop everything and rush to our rescue. If you are looking for super-hero look to your friends – you’ll find one.
We had a wake for Brian. It was a grand time. It was in an Irish pub, we rented out the top floor for just us. About 150 people showed up and we celebrated Brian’s life well into the night. I was surprised at how many people came and I was surprised by who came. The stories and the love flowed as freely as the black and tans. This was friendship, in the depths of the darkness you join together to bring light into the crisis. I understand now why the Irish have wakes.
Having all those people there meant so very much for me and my family. Friendship is the bringing of light. It shouldn’t be complicated or forced. It doesn’t need to verbose. Two words and a hug speaks volumes. My family and I truly thank all those that have supported us and we truly appreciate the great big hugs we received.
Friendship is putting yourself out there for someone else. Friendship is sacrificing yourself for another. I now understand.
John 15:13: There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends!
Proverbs 17:17: A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
Beautiful Blue Sky 